Like I’ve mentioned before, one can never come up with enough ideas to torture one’s ex. Since you’ve already gifted him the hand-crafted CD/DVD holder, I have a wedding gift idea for you to give him when he walks down the isle with that bimbo he dumped you for. Follow the leads very carefully and you shall double your enjoyment this time around:
1) Call truce with your ex.
2) Apologize to him for ruining his precious record collection and wish him the best of luck with his upcoming wedding (try to sound sincere and not sarcastic).
3) Find out where his fiancée goes to gym and get a membership there.
4) Be ultra sweet to her and become her best friend.
5) Tell her you dumped your ex and her current beau because his “dark side” intimidated you.
6) Brainwash her and her mother into thinking that your ex is a neo-gothic in the closet and that she must do everything to help him “embrace his true nature.”
7) Give in to her squeaky pleas of helping with the wedding planning.
8) Sneak out of bridesmaid duty by faking a broken leg.
9) Suggest she choose her bridal gown and the bridesmaids’ dresses from SludgeFaktory's post-apocalyptic collection as a surprise wedding gift to her fiancé.
10) Sit victoriously in the front row and watch the face of your ex ashen as his bride walks down the isle in a hobble skirt-and-straitjacket dress with kinky boots and leather-strap veil.
Now, wasn’t it relaxing just to visualize yourself doing that? So what are you waiting for lady? Pick up that phone and get busy with step 1 already! (P.S. Check out more delicious zombie outfits after the jump.)
Source: io9
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